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* You Have Got to Be Kidding Me *

The St. Matthew's Prosperity Seed Harvest Plan rant has been on this site for over a year now, and until recently, I had not heard anything about it. I even considered taking the rant off the site to save space. Well, the internet is full of surprises, and the other day, I recieved this e-mail. Since moving the site to its own domain, I have gotten many more hits from all kinds of unlikely people (fun fact: the #1 search string that directs people to this site is "quotes for 8th grade graduation"-- thanks Google, you've definitely got your shit straight). Apparently, evangilical Christians are interspersed throughout the eighth graders. I'm still not sure if this lady was shitting me. On to the e-mail:

Dear Francis, I'm inquiring about the seed harvest plan @ St Matthews, could you give me a little back ground on this ministry, I never see anyones name and in the book everything is typed, nothing is hand written. I believe in sowing into God's Kingdom and I believe it will be added back unto me. May God bless you , in Christ, edie

Dear Edie,
As the first person to e-mail me regarding the St. Matthew’s plan, you have earned your tremendously gullible self the prestigious lack-of-appreciation-for-sarcasm award. Congratulations. Because I feel genuinely sorry for you based on your inquiry, I have included the address of St. Matthew’s P.O. Box, as found on the booklet.
St. Matthew’s Publishing
P.O. Box 21838
Tulsa, OK 74121
I am sure that their ministry will be of great assistance in plundering your money in order to “sow God’s kingdom.” I look forward to seeing your name in the next booklet of financial testimonials.

May the fnords be with you, in Eris, Francis

I wondered if I would be hearing from Edie again, and sure enough, a few hours after I had sent my reply, I recieved this e-mail:

Dear Francis, I was really shocked at the reply I received from you, this is suppose to be a bible based christian ministry. Me and my husband have given money to this organization and all we wanted was a phone # and a little background information, a name of who is in charge over this ministry. I'm sure I'm not the first person to want to know a little more about where they are sowing their money into. And as far as my name in the book of testimonies, it's already in a book, it's called the book of life. My prayers go out for you and I'm glad you e-mailed me back to give me the information I requested. God is good and He blesses no matter what ministry you sow your money into. We sow into our home church and we like to also sow into other ministries as well, and we've never had a problem like this. May God Bless You and Thank You, Edie

What can I say- I guess I'm not a very nice person. I decided to send Edie a legitimate e-mail back, enlightening her as to what I'd learned of the ministry:

Dear Edie,
If you are curious as to “where you are sowing your money into,” I shall enlighten you as to what I have gathered: nothing. The good folks over at St. Matthews offer to pray for you if you send them your cash- I read nothing in the 224 page pamphlet that even suggests that they will do anything else with the money. Go ahead and try a search on Google- there are a number of articles and discussion board posts by individuals who have the same question you do; as a matter of fact, you might be interested in reading this segment of one article I turned up:

“I called the Better Business Bureau in Tulsa, and President Rick Brinkley told me he was long familiar with the group. 'Every reporter in town has tried to do a story on where the money goes, how much is received, but they hide behind the fact they're a church,' he said.
A national BBB report shows that St. Matthew's Churches (also known as St. Matthew Publishing, St. Matthew 18:19 Publishing, Church By Mail, Church and Bible Study in the Home by Mail and Prayer By Letter) has repeatedly refused to furnish information on its finances, stating it is 'a religious organization which does not and has never made any charitable solicitations,'
The way it works, said Brinkley, is St. Matthew's inundates respondees with material by mail. Each mail-out includes yet another plea for money (in exchange, of course, for lessons and 'prayers'). 'We get calls everyday from people who say, Can you get my grandmother off their mailing list?' he said.
…The Tulsa group is hardly the first one in history to exploit a sort of give-so-you-can-get mentality that runs throughout religion and, ironically, flies in the face of true belief.
'The emptiness of riches is a fundamental insight of all the major faiths,' said Jerry Miller, philosophy and religion professor at Salisbury University in Maryland. 'Look at the temptation of Jesus in the Bible: It was about wealth, power. Here, religion is being used as a supposed avenue that brings us to the very thing Jesus condemned as empty.'
The Tulsa letter is just the 'crass version' of a larger phenomenon in which religion is viewed as a tool for making our lives more comfortable, said Miller 'I call it therapeutic religion. It's a way of using religion to cope with life, to deal with problems so that they don't Upset us, which is counter to what religion is really supposed to do - upset us, challenge us, make us re-examine our lives in a radical way.' ”

So there you have it- a group that hides behind a ministry-by-mail, appealing to people (such as my very own Grandmother) who seek financial windfalls such as those described in the book, gathering money for undisclosed purposes- appealing to elderly people, lost people, and people who are down on their luck- offering them nothing but prayers. I don’t call this religion- I call it exploitation. As for your questions, I don’t have a name or a phone number for you; if you had taken a mere 15 seconds to read the article or to browse around the site you would have realized that you were barking up the wrong tree. Good luck with your ministry and may Eris bless you.

Cheers, Francis.

On that note, if anyone wishes me to pray for them, my Paypal address is francis@thoughtemporium.org. Cost is $25/prayer. May Eris, the goddess of confusion and discord, be with you!